When couples commit their all to a relationship, it’s natural to analyze what they have together. Over-analyzing, however, can just make things worse.
Relationships need work. That’s a fact. Anyone who walks into a romantic relationship armed only with the cloud at their feet and a pair of rose-tinted glasses will soon find themselves languishing in the doldrums of a thundercloud and wondering what on earth went wrong.
The problem is that when someone believes they’ve found their soul mate, they think they’ve found someone with the exact same psychological and emotional make up. But people and their inner workings are like fingerprints: no two are ever the same. So it’s good to take time out to analyze the relationship from time to time, to keep things on an even keel and make sure that plain sailing continues unabated.
Over-analyzing is somewhat different though. Often born from a sense of personal insecurity, it can prove stifling and unproductive. Relationships are like flowers, and need light, space and a little gentle tending to really thrive. Over-analysis is like putting a daisy in a bramble patch. Especially when it contains, as very often is the case, an accusatory or browbeating element to it.
Are you over-analyzing your romance?
To help you our readers, overcome the curse that is over-analyzing, the subject is approached from two different angles. Firstly, the subject areas where over-analysis most commonly occurs and why you should ensure it doesn’t and, secondly, the signs that show your incessant quizzing may be pushing your partner away. Read through them both, be honest with yourself and if you recognize the signs, then now may be a good time to try and start chilling out and give your partner a well earned break from it all.
8 subjects couples almost always over-analyze
1. Feelings. And, let’s face it, it’s women who are usually guilty of this, although not always, of course. But some people don’t do the whole feelings thing and attempts to try and crowbar a display of teary admission out of them is likely to make them feel really uncomfortable.
2. The future. Over-analyzing the future is another common problem, regarding where each of the couple sees themselves in ten years time. This especially occurs where one has more aspiration than the other, or more of a leaning towards material things.
3. Time apart. Over-analyzing somewhere about where they’ve been when not spending time together can be a dreadful strain on a relationship. One of those areas of over-analyzing that has a somewhat accusatory and nagging nature.
4.Characteristics. Analyzing someone’s characteristics, whether physically or personality based, is a horrible thing to do and basically tells the other person that you aren’t happy with who they are.
5.Personal habits. Constantly over-analyzing someone’s personal habits, whether they’re bad or not, has a real draconian feel about it. More like a parent would do than a partner. Especially common in early stage relationships where two people are discovering the real inner workings behind the romantic facade.
6.Friends & family. Analyzing the kind of friends someone has, how they spend their time with them, or of a person’s relationship with family members, can also get a little repetitive and annoying to have to constantly listen to.
7. Sex. A really, really bad area to over-analyze, mainly as harping on about someone’s performance in bed, what they do and don’t do, etc., is likely to create a tension which will swiftly lead to less of it than more.
8.Finances. What the partner wants to spend on what, how much they spend or don’t spend, how they save, how they make it, and so on. An huge source of tension between couples and one that should be dealt with using kid gloves, not over-analyzing.
Signs your over-analyzing is pushing your pattern away.
1.They change conversation. If they try and put up a conversational block as soon as you start over-analyzing them, then that’s a certain sign that they’ve got fed up with it all. Knock it on the head now or things might deteriorate to the point of no going back.
2.Overtime. Have they suddenly started working late at work a lot? Well, this might not have been the case had you given them less of a hard time once they were home.
3.The last laugh. The last laugh was some time ago, and definitely not the longest. When the humor has disappeared from a relationship, then all is not well.
4. Standing in doorways. Do they always seem to be standing in doorways, about to move into another room? That could be because they’re anticipating another bout of over-analyzing and they’re putting themselves in a position to make their escape.
5. Out of sight. An increase in prolonged and regular absences is also a sign that you’re pushing them away, preferring their friends’ or even their own company to someone who gives them the Freud treatment every time they sit down.
6. Sexual under-drive. Has the bed suddenly become a place for sleeping only? That’s because they worry that the post-coital chat could end up turning into yet another bout of analysis/character assassination.
7. They change the channel. One step up on the escalation scale from the last sign, if they just ignore you altogether, then you’ve got a real struggle ahead of you to get anywhere near how things used to be.
8. Temper tantrums. Have they started snapping and getting unreasonably and untypically angered? Another sign that the division is increasing.
There’s no point in committing to a relationship that your over-analyzing might ruin anyway. Steer clear of the warning signs above, and focus instead on nurturing your future together.